Healing ourselves, Healing the World: Why It’s Essential for Women Leaders to Heal the Mother Wound

Auspicious Debut - acrylic by ©Dana Bloede (via FineArtAmerica)

Become a Living Fire of Transformation for yourself, your community and the world in 2016…

Are you a female leader or entrepreneur? Are you ready to make a quantum leap to your next level?

Are you feeling the call to be a world-class leader, to make a massive contribution through your talents and gifts? Do you want to bring your message to millions? Do you want to create an income and lifestyle that abundantly supports you and your family?

If so, I want to get really clear and tell you the undiluted truth…

I’ve been wanting to say this for a while:

I see way too many women entrepreneurs struggling, not because they don’t have the right business training or the right systems in place, but because they haven’t yet addressed the very foundation upon which their success truly rests: They haven’t yet created the inner environment of safety and self-love necessary to truly lead, innovate and be visible on the world stage. Any unaddressed patterns or beliefs associated with our relationship with our mothers show up in the ways that we hold ourselves back, feel shame, guilt and “not good enough.” No amount of business training will address that.

The most urgent issue today in women’s leadership is the necessity for women leaders to heal the “mother wound.” 

Contrary to what you may hear today in the business space, the most direct line to successful leadership is not to focus on creating on external structures including team, training or systems. While all of that is important, it’s “putting the cart before the horse.” The truth is that all of that is relatively easy to create once you have the inner structures in place first. As one of my mentors always says, “Success in business is 90% mindset and 10% action.”

We are limited in our ability to create and sustain a mindset of success if we are stuck in the painful beliefs and patterns of the mother wound.

Beauty's Knowing by Flora Aube

Addressing this core issue creates positive shifts in every area of your life.

The good news is that the process of healing the mother wound addresses the “roots” of ourselves, the bedrock, the very foundation upon which we see ourselves as women. We can transform this template (with it’s limitations) into the divine blueprint that supports us in flourishing as the divine feminine leaders that we’re meant to be.

Our mothers provided our basic templates for ourselves as women. Whatever limiting beliefs or patterns are still operating from that central relationship with our mothers will continue to hold us back until they are finally addressed. This is because the mother wound deals with primary issues of love, safety and belonging; our most basic needs as humans.

We are descendants of women who have been oppressed and we have to recognize and address that oppression within ourselves if we are to truly lead. 

It all comes down to this predicament: How can we step forward to be the powerful, visible, pioneering women we are being called to be—when the patriarchal messages we received from family and culture tell us that we will experience certain loss and rejection if we do? Healing the mother wound is precisely what allows us to detox from these early messages of shame and limitation so that we can fully emerge as unstoppable leaders capable of creating large-scale change for the benefit of all.

The Messenger

Our success will always be limited to the degree that we avoid this core issue in our lives as women. This is because our mothers were our first models, thus they inevitably and unconsciously passed along their own limiting beliefs, often unintentionally and in an effort to keep us safe. The way our mothers treated us becomes internalized as the way we treat ourselves. It’s time for us to see that this avoidance of the mother wound is essentially a way that we postpone stepping into our power.

My story as an entrepreneur…

I spent years avoiding this issue in hopes that it would just go away. I truly believed that if only I filled myself with more credentials, read more books, and received more training then I wouldn’t have to actually look at the painful patterns related to my mother. I avoided the mother wound at all costs. Yet I found out eventually that once I did look closely at challenges in my life, they all eventually traced back to the painful patterns and limiting beliefs that originated in my relationship with my mother. It wasn’t until I gathered the courage and support I needed to face the mother wound directly that everything changed. 

I spent years doing this inner work and really focusing on this issue. I’m not going to candy-coat it, it was really hard. Yet I had an unexpected, miraculous realization along the way: the mother wound is not something we need to avoid or feel shame about, it is a doorway to our full power and potential. You see, there is a deeper wound in the mother wound, a wound with life itself. When this deeper wound is sufficiently healed, your life takes on a whole new harmonious flow, a higher baseline of love, fulfillment and joy. Something bigger is guiding you and moving through you.

Nothing compares to the relief and confidence that comes with having faced your deepest pain. You become truly safe. That is the true ground you can stand on, the structure needed to hold your vastness.

Prayers for Peace by Flora Aube

Through the process of elimination, I found that healing the mother wound is the quality, in-depth work that is necessary to create true, lasting success on every level. In only 9 months after starting my business, I had created a global following, a six-figure income and a fast-growing community of readers that I cherish and serve consistently with quality content. The greatest exhilaration is seeing my core wound transform from a source of pain into a source of wisdom that serves other women.

My healing journey continues, and now, years later, it’s more about being loyal to that luminous core within, that which wants to express itself through me. That’s why I’m so passionate about sharing this message with you: The mother wound holds precisely the gifts, shifts, breakthroughs that propel you into greater service as a feminine leader. I’m so happy to offer you a roadmap to heal the mother wound….to make it much easier a process than it was for me.

Not healing the mother wound is enormously expensive and painful on many levels:

  • Not charging what your worth
  • Feeling stuck, competitive with other women
  • Not feeling safe enough to bring your best work forward
  • Self-sabotage when close to a breakthrough

The greater the outer impact you want to create, the greater the inner shifts that must occur first. If there is one single thing you can do in 2016 to step into your authentic power and leadership, it is to heal the mother wound. Be of service from a place of overflowing abundance, not depletion or deprivation. Let’s be honest; as leaders we have a duty to NOT perpetuate the mother wound in our relations with clients, colleagues and the communities we steward. Taking the step to heal your mother wound is a sacred act of integrity and deeply honoring of those you serve. 

%22Rapture of the Heart%22 Flora Aube

How can healing the mother wound enhance your life and business?

  • Ability to take emotional risks, being open and radically honest
  • Owning one’s physical presence with confidence and power
  • A greater capacity to experience pleasure and welcome good things
  • The ability to hold space for others to know their deeper truths
  • Inner safety necessary to truly innovate and bring forward new ideas and information
  • Ability to be imperfect without self-recrimination
  • Easily make decisions from a place of inner alignment
  • Ability to experience abundance as part of your own nature, not something outside of you
  • Confidently set boundaries that support your highest self
  • Break the illusory link between your mother’s suffering and your success
  • Really take in that your greatest service to others is living your best life possible
  • Cease care-taking and over-functioning for others, creating space for yourself to flourish at the highest level and space for others to own their own journey.
  • Create an inner mother within you who unconditionally supports you
  • Feel that it’s truly safe to succeed and flourish on every level
  • Bring forth a whole new level of depth and power to your clients and those you serve

Create the Inner Foundation necessary for you to reach extraordinary heights as a female leader! 

The truth is that the world needs you…

The rise of the divine feminine in our world is not going to emerge because we have more women in leadership positions. That alone is not enough. It will be because we have the caliber of women in leadership who have done the work necessary to lead from a place where they radiate authentically from within, women who have sufficiently broken the patriarchal chains within them, women who are living the new paradigm NOW.

This work is not for female leaders who…

  • are looking for a quick fix
  • want to make money as fast as possible
  • unwilling to look at their stuff
  • unwilling to walk their talk
  • unwilling to be uncomfortable for the sake of their own transformation
  • unwilling to invest time and space in their lives for inner work
  • not interested in investing in themselves to create long-term success
  • are primarily concerned with image and appearance

This work is for you if you are a female leader who…

  • holds integrity as paramount. You’re deeply committed to lead from a place of authenticity, presence, truth and empowerment in the ways that you interact with clients, colleagues and your community.
  • is done with the “push” of the patriarchal ideals of hard work, struggle and striving and ready to step into ease, flow and magnetic abundance.
  • have seen the same patterns replicate themselves over and over again in your life and business related to beliefs that “I’m not good enough” and “there’s something wrong with me.”
  • have already created some degree of success with your business and are ready to step into your next level and know that there is some deep inner work needed in order to vibrate at that higher level.
  • is dogged and determined in your pursuit of truth and tenacious in your commitment to embody your truth

Does this resonate with you? If so, join me! 

I’m offering a brand-new, free webinar on Wednesday, January 13th on ‘The Importance of Healing the Mother Wound for Female Entrepreneurs.”

Click here to sign up and receive a free download of “12 Ways the Mother Wound shows up for Female Entrepreneurs and 12 Benefits to Healing it.”

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During this 75-minute call I’ll be covering the following:

• What the “mother wound” is on the personal, cultural and spiritual levels
• Why the mother wound the single biggest obstacle for female entrepreneurs
• The #1 thing that determines success that can only come through healing the mother wound
• Why the mother wound has been such a taboo in women’s leadership
• Myths related to the mother wound that keep women leaders stuck
• Tools that you can use immediately after the call to begin addressing the mother wound and clear the way for your success

I’ll also be introducing my new Group Coaching Program on Healing the Mother Wound and VIP Program for Female Leaders.

You don’t want to miss this!  Sign up today. Make 2016 your most transformational and successful year yet. Flourish as a Feminine Leader in 2016! 

Art credits in order of appearance: “Auspicious Debut” by Dana Bloede, “Beauty’s Knowing” by Flora Aube, “The Messenger” by Flora Aube, “Prayers for Peace” by Flora Aube, “Rapture of the Heart” by Flora Aube, Photo of Bethany by Wendy Yalom

The Power of Owning Your “Bigness”

Moving Into Light by Kate Bedell

Throughout history we have been given the message that an acceptable woman is a “small” woman. In response, we’ve been trying to squeeze ourselves into a smaller and smaller forms to appear attractive and palatable to the male cultural gaze.

It’s important to de-bunk this myth. There’s no payoff for being small.

Throughout time we have been asked to be “small” in so many ways:

  • In our physical bodies: wearing corsets, binding our feet, wearing high heels, trying to be physically “slim” and lean at all costs.
  • In our personalities: to be quiet, to be polite, to say what people want to hear, to “look the part,” to be tolerant of poor treatment, to carry the burdens of others.
  • In our behaviors: to perpetuate the comfortable illusions of others at our own expense, to display the behaviors and traits that don’t threaten the insecurities of those around us.

It is precisely the tension arising from “trying to be other than we are” that creates deep suffering and perpetuates the female “pain body.” Our oppression lies in the splitting within ourselves; the inner rejections, and the ways we’ve let this tension control how we view ourselves.

The Spark of Hope by Katie Hoffman

The oppression of falseness and the hunger for the real

The “myth of smallness” is that if we could only become small enough, then we will finally get the love, approval and support that we deserve. We pour all this energy in meeting impossible standards of appearance and behavior. The truth is that we will never be “small” enough for those that protest our “largeness.” The reason why is because their need for smallness has nothing to do with us personally; It is a projection of the limitations they fear within themselves.

Largeness doesn’t necessarily translate to being more extraverted. It means different things to different people. It simply means being more authentic and allowing the full spectrum of yourself to be revealed, even when it bumps up against cultural norms.

We must refuse to believe the lie that we are most loveable in our attenuated, abbreviated forms. 

Chrysalis by Erica Art

The danger represented by the “largeness” of the female form is a symbol for something much deeper than our body size or the volume of our voices.

This largeness represents something inherently powerful in us as women…

  • our large capacity for expression
  • our large capacity to bring change
  • our large capacity to be powerful
  • our large capacity to love
  • our large capacity to heal and transform
  • our large capacity to give birth and give death
  • our large capacity to feel our emotions and extract wisdom from them
  • our large capacity for connection to our bodies and the inner messages

See all external attempts to keep you small for what they really are…

  • a fear of your power
  • a fear of change
  • a fear of the unknown
  • a fear of abandonment
  • a fear of their own powerlessness
  • ignorance of their own possibilities and potential

These fears are not something we need to fight, judge or fix in other people, but simply something to accept as their responsibility to heal while we go on embodying the full truth of who we are. Their ignorance is not our responsibility to fix.

Clouds Print by Michael Creese

Being your full, un-attenuated self is a form of holding space for others to step into their own “bigness” as well.

Many of us grew up watching our mothers wither under the myth of smallness, perhaps teaching us to be small too, in an effort to help us survive.  We may have watched our mother’s failed attempts to be seen as valuable and worthy under the myth of smallness. This can be heartbreaking to witness.

Many of us have felt enormous compassion for the ways our mothers’ value was unseen by the larger culture and society. We may have felt that we owe our mothers somehow for their invisibility. This feeling of “owing” is seductive because it feels like it will “put flesh on our mother’s bones” but the tragedy is that it simply cannot. Our mothers have to do their own inner work to become healed and empowered. No matter how much we love other people, the responsibility for their own healing lies within them.

Many of us stayed small because we didn’t want to get approval from the culture that has hurt our mothers so much. 

The Dollmaker by Katie Hoffman

In de-bunking the “myth of smallness” and breaking the inter-generational enmeshment that inner deprivation fosters, there emerges a new tension; the tension of needing to not over-function for our mothers. There arises the necessary betrayal of refusing to be our mother’s primary source of nourishment. Healing the mother wound addresses this “emotional cannibalism” that patriarchy creates between mothers and daughters. We can’t heal them by refusing to own our own lives. This realization opens up the luminous possibility that adult daughters and mothers can become peers, equals or “sisters” on the path of conscious awakening.

We must internally bless our bigness, even when others reject it…

Any woman who desires to be whole and healed may very easily be labeled as “too much” “too intense” or “too big” in this culture. You are probably “too big” for most people. It’s OK. Own it! Not in a defensive, oppositional way, but in simply BEING who you are without apology, without shame and without guilt. Find every opportunity to occupy every cell of who you truly are with joy and love. 

Heart Chakra by Marcia Snedecor

We must see the connection between our “largeness” and the largeness of possibilities for all beings. 

There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not “too big” or “too much.” All those labels were given to us. They never originated with us.

Labels are reflections of the limits of those creating them. Those labels only reflect the limitations of society, not the flaws in human women. They are attempts to control and distract us from the source of our power that lies within us, a source of nourishment that once discovered and owned, makes us unstoppable.

Realizing our complicity in the myth of smallness is essential to vanquishing it

To really give ourselves permission to fully “occupy our largeness” we must be willing to forego the payoffs of our culture that rewards us for being small and non-threatening. Let us praise authenticity wherever we see it, in ourselves and in each other. For example, let’s refrain from praising each other for when we lose weight in an effort to meet the standard of beauty, but instead praise each other when we look happy, healthy, and vibrant. Let’s stop rewarding our silences, our superficial niceties and exhausting standards. Let’s instead praise heartfelt vulnerability, the bold risk to be real, and the courage to risk rejection for the sake of what is true.

Revelation by Cindy Elsharouni

As pioneers we must bear the tension of being ourselves in a world that may not be ready to accept us in moments. That’s OK. We can find support in men and women who do “get it” and are actively on the path of living as their real selves.

Our imperfections are interpreted as an assault only by those who haven’t done the necessary inner work to begin to love themselves. Your “imperfections” are expressions of the very things that make you REAL and therefore loveable, reachable, connect-able. Your imperfections are treasures.

You are an abundant, complex, multi-faceted being. Consciously owning this inner abundance is a joy unlike any other. This is wealth. 

The Hummingbird by Clancy Cavnar

We all want to be loved for who we really are, not for the mask that the culture says we should wear. The love we receive in exchange for wearing false masks is an empty transaction; a hollow sentiment that never truly nourishes us. It perpetuates the inner deprivation women have been living with for centuries.

We must risk being seen for who we truly are because the love we receive for being real is the only kind of love that truly is truly nourishing.

The more fiercely we love and approve of ourselves, the more we give the message to others that their real self is welcomed and safe to be seen as well. As we do this we can directly recognize the abundance of space there is for ALL of us to flourish! 

We realize this by claiming it, not by waiting for others to give it to us. Our fierce claiming of our right to take up space is what creates the space. This space is waiting for each of us to claim it. WE get to decide who and what we are, no one else.

Casting the Net by Joyce Huntington

© Bethany Webster 2015

(Art credits in order of appearance: “Moving into Light” by Kate Bedell, “The Spark of Hope” by Katie Hoffman, “Chrysalis” by EricA Art, “Clouds” by Michael Creese, “The Dollmaker” by Katie Hoffman, “Heart Chakra” by Marcia Snedecor, “Revelation” by Cindy Elsharouni, “The Hummingbird” by Clancy Cavnar,” “Casting the Net” by Joyce Huntington)

If you’d like to receive my personal support in moving beyond the mother wound and into your full potential and success, please click here to sign up for a free, 30-minute Clarity session where I can help you get clear on how the mother wound is impacting you and create a roadmap to get you to the other side. I look forward to connecting with you!  ~Bethany

Ways to Work with me: 

Click here to download my FREE e-book on “Transforming the Inner Mother” and sign up for my newsletter.