About the Mother Wound

What many people do not realize is that the core issue at the center of women’s empowerment is the mother wound.

ElizabethBauman

Difficulty and challenges between mothers and daughters are rampant and widespread but not openly spoken about. The taboo about speaking about the pain of the mother wound is what keeps it in place and keeps it hidden in shadow, festering and out of view.

What exactly is the mother wound?

The mother wound is the pain of being a woman passed down through generations of women in patriarchal cultures. And it includes the dysfunctional coping mechanisms that are used to process that pain.

The mother wound includes the pain of:

  • Comparison: not feeling good enough
  • Shame: consistent background sense that there is something wrong with you
  • Attenuation: Feeling you must remain small in order to be loved
  • Persistent sense of guilt for wanting more than you currently have

The mother wound can manifest as:

  • Not being your full self  because you don’t want to threaten others
  • Having a high tolerance for poor treatment from others
  • Emotional care-taking
  • Feeling competitive with other women
  • Self-sabotage
  • Being overly rigid and dominating
  • Conditions such as eating disorders, depression and addictions

untitled by fatma gultekin

In our patriarchal, male-dominated culture women are conditioned to think of themselves as “less-than” and not deserving or worthy. This feeling of “less-than” has been internalized and passed down through countless generations of women.

The cultural atmosphere of female oppression puts daughters in a “double bind.”

Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mother’s unconscious beliefs (which is some subtle form of “I’m not good enough”) then she has her mother’s approval but has in some way betrayed herself and her potential.

However, if she doesn’t internalize her mother’s unconscious beliefs in her own limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection.

The daughter doesn’t want to risk losing her mother’s love and approval,  so internalizing these limiting, unconscious beliefs is a form of loyalty and emotional survival for the daughter.

It may feel dangerous for a woman to actualize her full potential because it may mean risking some form of rejection by her mother.

Mother and daughter USA 1956  Photo- Leonard Freed

This is because the daughter may unconsciously sense that her full empowerment may trigger the mother’s sadness or rage at having had to give up parts of herself in her own life. Her compassion for her mother, a desire to please her, and a fear of conflict may cause her to convince herself that it’s safer to shrink and remain small.

A common objection to facing the mother wound is to “Let the past be in the past.” However, we never truly “escape” or bury the past. It lives in the present as the obstacles and challenges that we face every day. If we avoid dealing with the pain associated with one of THE most primary and foundational relationships in our lives, we are missing a pivotal opportunity to discover the truth of who we are and to authentically and joyfully live that truth.

Stereotypes that perpetuate the mother wound:

  • “Look at everything your mother did for you!” (from other people)
  • “My mother sacrificed so much for me. I would be so selfish to do what she could not do. I don’t want to make her feel bad.”
  • “I owe loyalty to my mother no matter what. If I upset her, she will think I don’t value her.”

The daughter may experience fears about fulfilling her potential because she may fear leaving her mother behind. She may fear her mother feeling threatened by her dreams or ambitions. She may fear uncomfortable feelings from her mother such as envy or anger. All of this is usually very unconscious and not openly acknowledged or talked about.

We all have sensed the pain that our mothers carry. And all of us are suspicious to some degree that we are partly to blame for her pain. Therein lies the guilt. This makes sense when considering the limited cognitive development of a child, which sees itself as the cause of all things. If we don’t address this unconscious belief as an adult, we may still be walking around with it and greatly limiting ourselves as a result.

The truth is that no child can save her mother.

No sacrifice a daughter makes  will ever be enough to compensate for the high price her mother may have had to pay or for the losses she has accrued over the years, simply by being a woman and mother in this culture. And yet, this is what many women do for their mothers very early on in childhood: they unconsciously make a decision to not abandon or betray their mothers by becoming “too successful,” “too smart” or “too adventurous.” This decision is made out of love, loyalty and a true need for approval and emotional support from the mother.

Many of us confuse being loyal to our mothers with being loyal to their wounds, and thus, complicit in our own oppression. 

kellie hatcher

These dynamics are very unconscious and they operate on a continuum. Even the most healthy, supportive mother/daughter relationships may have this dynamic to some degree by virtue of simply being women in this society. And for daughters who have mothers with serious issues (addictions, mental illness, etc.) the impact is can be very damaging and insidious.

Mothers must take responsibility and grieve their losses. 

Being a mother in our society is unspeakably difficult. I’ve heard many women say “No one ever tells you how hard it is” and “Nothing prepares you for when you get home with the baby and realize what is being asked of you.” Our culture, especially the U.S., is very hard on mothers, offering little support and many are raising children alone.

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 Our society’s unspoken messages to mothers: 

  • If motherhood is difficult then it’s your own fault.
  • Shame on you if you’re not super-human.
  • There are “natural mothers” for whom motherhood is easy. If you are not one of these, there is something deeply wrong with you.
  • You’re supposed to be capable of handling it all with ease: having well-behaved children, being sexually attractive, having a successful career, and a solid marriage.

For mothers who have indeed sacrificed so much to have children in our culture, it can truly feel like a rejection when your child surpasses or exceeds the dreams you thought possible for yourself. There may be a sense of feeling owed, entitled to or needing to be validated by your children, which can be a very subtle but powerful manipulation. This dynamic can cause the next generation of daughters to keep themselves small so that their mothers can continue to feel validated and affirmed in their identity as a mother, an identity that many have sacrificed so much for, but received so little support and recognition for in return.

Mothers may unconsciously project deep rage towards their children in subtle ways. However, the rage really isn’t towards the children. The rage is towards the patriarchal society that requires women to sacrifice and utterly deplete themselves in order to mother a child.

And for a child who needs her mother, sacrificing herself in an effort to somehow ease her mother’s pain is often a subconscious decision made very early in life and not discovered as the cause of underlying issues until much later when she is an adult.

The mother wound exists because there is not a safe place for mothers to process their rage about the sacrifices that society has demanded of them. And because daughters still unconsciously fear rejection for choosing not to make those same sacrifices as previous generations.

In our society, there is no safe place for a mother to vent her rage. And so often it comes out unconsciously to one’s children. A daughter is a very potent target for a mother’s rage because the daughter has not yet had to give up her personhood for motherhood. The young daughter may remind the mother of her un-lived potential. And if the daughter feels worthy enough to reject some of the patriarchal mandates that the mother has had to swallow, then she can easily trigger that underground rage for the mother.

Matt Wisniewski

Of course, most mothers want what is best for their daughters. However, if a mother has not dealt with her own pain or come to terms with the sacrifices she has had to make, than her support for her daughter may be laced with traces of messages that subtly instill shame, guilt or obligation. They can seep out in the most benign situations, usually in some form of criticism or some form of bringing praise back to the mother. It’s not usually the content of the statement, but rather the energy with which it is conveyed that can carry hidden resentment.

The way for a mother to prevent directing her rage to her daughter and passing down the mother wound, is for the mother to fully grieve and mourn her own losses. And to make sure that she is not relying on her daughter as her main source of emotional support.

Mothers must mourn what they had to give up, what they wanted but will never have, what their children can never give them and the injustice of their situation. However, as unjust and unfair as it is, it is not the responsibility of the daughter to make amends for the mother’s losses or to feel obligated to sacrifice herself in the same ways. For mothers, It takes tremendous strength and integrity to do this. And mothers need support in this process.

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Mothers liberate their daughters when they consciously process their own pain without making it their daughter’s problem. In this way, mothers free their daughters to pursue their dreams without guilt, shame or a sense of obligation.

When mothers unwittingly cause their daughters to feel responsible for their losses and to share in their pain, it creates a dysfunctional enmeshment, reinforcing the daughter’s view that she is not worthy of her dreams.  And this supports a daughter’s view that her mother’s pain must somehow be her fault. This can cripple her in so many ways.

For daughters growing up in a patriarchal culture, there is a sense of having to choose between being empowered and being loved.

Darian Blake

Most daughters choose to be loved instead of empowered because there is an ominous sense that being fully actualized and empowered may cause a grave loss of love from important people in their lives, specifically their mothers. So women stay small and un-fulfilled, unconsciously passing the mother wound to the next generation.

As a woman, there is a vague but powerful sense that your empowerment will injure your relationships. And women are taught to value relationships over everything else. We cling to the crumbs of our relationships, while our souls may be deeply longing for the fulfillment of our potential. But the truth is that our relationships alone can never adequately substitute for the hunger to live our lives fully.

The power dynamic at the center of the mother/daughter relationship is a taboo subject and the core issue at the center of the mother wound.  

Much of this goes underground because of the many taboos and stereotypes about motherhood in this culture:

  • Mothers are always nurturing and loving
  • Mothers should never feel angry or resentful towards their daughters
  • Mothers and daughters are supposed to be best friends

The stereotype of “All mothers should be loving all the time” strips women of their full humanity. Because women are not given permission to be full human beings, society feels justified in not providing full respect, support and resources to mothers.

The truth is that mothers are human beings and all mothers having un-loving moments. And it’s true that there are mothers who are simply un-loving most of the time, whether because of addiction, mental illness or other struggles. Until we are willing to face these uncomfortable realities the mother wound will be in shadow and continue to be passed through the generations.

We all have patriarchy in us to some degree. We’ve had to ingest it to survive in this culture. When we’re ready to confront it fully in ourselves, we also confront it in others, including our mothers. This can be one of the most heart-wrenching of all situations we must face. But unless we are willing to go there, to address the mother wound, we are paying a very high price for the illusion of peace and empowerment.

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What is the cost of not healing the mother wound?

The cost of not healing the mother wound is living your life indefinitely with:

  • A vague, persistent sense that “There’s something wrong with me”
  • Never actualizing your potential out of fear of failure or disapproval
  • Having weak boundaries and an unclear sense of who you are
  • Not feeling worthy or capable of creating what you truly desire
  • Not feeling safe enough to take up space and voice your truth
  • Arranging your life around “not rocking the boat”
  • Self-sabotage when you get close to a breakthrough
  • Unconsciously waiting for mother’s permission or approval before claiming your own life.

What’s the relationship between the mother wound and the divine feminine?

There’s a lot of talk these days about ’embodying the divine feminine’ and being an ‘awakened woman.’ But the reality is that we cannot be a strong container of the power of the divine feminine if we have not yet addressed the places within us where we have felt banished and in exile from the Feminine.

Let’s face it: Our first enounter with the Goddess was with our mothers. Until we have the courage to break the taboo and face the pain we have experienced in relation to our mothers, the divine feminine is another form of a fairy tale, a fantasy of rescue by a mother who is not coming. This keeps us in spiritual immaturity. We have to separate the human mother from the archetype in order to be true carriers of this energy. We have to de-construct the faulty structures within us before we can truly build new structures to hold it. Until we do this we remain stuck in a kind of limbo where our empowerment is short-lived and the only explanation for our predicament that seems to make sense is to blame ourselves.

If we avoid acknowledging the full impact of our mother’s pain on our lives, we still remain to some degree, children.

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Coming into full empowerment requires looking at our relationship with our mothers and having the courage to separate out our own individual beliefs, values, thoughts from hers. It requires feeling the grief of having to witness the pain our mothers endured and processing our own legitimate pain that we endured as a result. This is so challenging but it is the beginning of real freedom.

Once we feel the pain it can be transformed and it will cease creating obstacles in our lives.

So what happens when women heal the mother wound?

iza & mary by gosia janik

As we heal the mother wound, the power dynamic is increasingly resolved because women are no longer asking one another to stay small to ease their own pain. The pain of living in patriarchy ceases to be taboo. We don’t have to pretend and hide behind false masks that hide our pain under a facade of effortlessly holding it together. The pain can then be seen as legitimate, embraced, processed and integrated and ultimately transformed into wisdom and power.

Once women increasingly process the pain of the mother wound, we can create safe places for women to express the truth of their pain and receive much needed support. Mothers and daughters can communicate with one another without fear that the truth of their feelings will break their relationship. The pain no longer needs to go underground and into shadow, where it manifests as manipulation, competition and self-hatred. Our pain can be grieved fully so that it can then turn into love, a love that manifests as fierce support of one another and deep self-acceptance, freeing us to be boldly authentic, creative and truly fulfilled.

Via Mariana Suemi Hamaguchi

When we heal the mother wound, we begin to grasp the stunning degree of impact a mother’s well-being has on the life of her child, especially in early childhood when the child and mother are still a single unit. Our mothers form the very basis of who we become: our beliefs start out as her beliefs, our habits start out as her habits. Some of this is so unconscious and fundamental, it is barely perceptible.

The mother wound is ultimately not about your mother. It’s about embracing yourself and your gifts without shame.

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We address the mother wound because it is a critical part of self-actualization and saying YES to being the powerful and potent women that we are being called to become. Healing the mother wound is ultimately about acknowledging and honoring the foundation our mothers provided for our lives so that we can then fully focus on creating the unique lives that we authentically desire and know we are capable of creating.

Benefits of healing the mother wound:

  • Being more fluent and skilled in handling your emotions. Seeing them as a source of wisdom and information.
  • Having healthy boundaries that support the actualization of your highest and best self
  • Developing a solid “inner mother” that provides unconditional love, support and comfort to your younger parts.
  • Knowing yourself as competent. Feeling that anything is possible, open to miracles and all good things
  • Being in constant contact with your inner goodness and your ability to bring it into everything you do
  • Deep compassion for yourself and other people
  • Not taking yourself too seriously. No longer needing external validation to feel OK. Not needing to prove yourself to others.
  • Trusting life to bring you what you need
  • Feeling safe in your own skin and a freedom to be yourself.
  • So much more…

As we engage in this healing process, we slowly remove the thick fog of projection that keeps us stuck and can more clearly see, appreciate and love ourselves. We no longer carry the burden of our mother’s pain and keep ourselves small as a result.

We can confidently emerge into our own lives, with the energy and vitality to create what we desire without shame or guilt, but with passion, power, joy, confidence, and love.

When The Rain Comes In Silence by Burçin Esin

For every human being, the very first wound of the heart was at the site of the mother, the feminine. And through the process of healing that wound, our hearts graduate from a compromised state of defensiveness and fear to a whole new level of love and power, which connects us to the divine heart of Life itself. We are from then on connected to the archetypal, collective heart that lives in all beings, and are carriers and transmitters of true compassion and love that the world needs right now. In this way, the mother wound is actually an opportunity and an initiation into the divine feminine. This is why it’s so crucial for women to heal the mother wound: Your personal healing and re-connection to the heart of life, by way of the feminine, affects the whole and supports our collective evolution.

© Bethany Webster 2014

I’m excited to announce that I have a couple new openings in my coaching practice! If you’d like to receive my personal support in moving beyond the mother wound and into your full potential and success, please click here to sign up for a free, 30-minute Clarity session where I can help you get clear on how the mother wound is impacting you and determine if my coaching program is right for you. I look forward to connecting with you!  ~Bethany

Ways to Work with me: 

Click here to download my FREE e-book on “Transforming the Inner Mother” and sign up for my newsletter.

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(art credits in order of appearance: Elizabeth Bauman, Fatma Gultekin, Leonard Freed, Kellie Hatcher, stock photo, Matt Wisniewski, sock photo, Darian Blake, stock photo, stock photo, Gosia Janik, Via Mariana Suemi Hamaguchi, stock photo, Burçin Esin)

 
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31 thoughts on “About the Mother Wound

  1. I feel seen, the first time and all the thoughts and feelings and questions that came up to me during the last couple of months, or even years, are brought together and all does make sense, the pain of staying small and at the same time wanting so much to walk in light and to be seen, fear of not being loved and therefore loosing personality and most of all the endless search for who I really am… thank you for these deep, profound insights and for the encouragement to heal and embrace the mother wound!

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    • I too can completely see you because I too am experiencing some of the same effects of “doing my work” I guess I have had with or without knowing that I was kept small not growing into my complete and full potential power of the woman I should have or could have been .
      I’m so eternally grateful that I found an amazing therapist after praying for 30 years for someone to hear or see me for the amazing wonderful curious, funny, sensitive, intelligent and Loving woman I have become.
      For the first time in my life, I feel validated, seen for me, and heard of my sensitive heart by another woman that I honestly Believe God put in my life recently.
      Because of her and my desire to heal that last 10 percent of 100 I now am happier, joyous and free. Although I’m still a work in progress I might want to be gentle, encouraging for timing I want this 30 years ago to take the hand of a healthy older female to Allow me to be guided on my Amazing Journey.
      Eternally grateful standing in Love and Light,
      Patricialyn
      I wrote this to try to encourage you to continue the work it is so worth it and you’ll have a far happier life if you continue the road to a happy destiny…

      Like

  2. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=413900335380298&set=a.260087847428215.39706.259983074105359

    Hi Bethany, a member on my page just shared a link to your article. I’ve revised and shortened it for the greatest reach on my page with a link back to yours.

    I hope you feel this revised version supports the intent of your article. I would welcome you in to the building community of conscious women who are connecting and leading others in the movement of raised consciousness across the planet.

    Graham R White
    http://www.Facebook.com/WhatEvolvedWomenWant

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  3. Pingback: Healing the Mother Wound - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

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  5. Dear Bethany, this article spoke to me on SO many levels. Thank you infinitely for it. I am in mainland Europe and unfortunately there are no workshops of yours anywhere near. Do you have some recommended readings for me, so I can dive deeper into this topic and start working on it myself? Much love, Carolina

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  6. Pingback: The Mother Wound | OFF KLTR!

  7. Hi Bethany, this article absolutely & “loudly” spoke to me!!! I have been struggling with this topic for some time now and have hit a wall in my healing. There are so many emotions with this issue; the need to be whole, guilt for feeling this way, and confusion. Your article made me realize that this is a legitimate issue and not only is there help out there but “BUT” (this is so important), I am not alone in this battle. THANK YOU! 😊

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  8. Dear Chell, Glad to hear that this article helped you realize that you are not alone with your struggles on this issue! Wishing you even more clarity, insight and much love on your journey! Love, Bethany

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  9. Hello Bethany, How closely is this healing modality to Inner Child Healing? A lot of it sounds very similar. Thank you! Great article, BTW.

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  10. Hi Bethany. deep thanks for naming and penetrating this profound and hugely important issue. I feel so confirmed in my decades long search for someone somewhere recognizing and grasping what we all feel, this tremendous struggle to untwist something deeply buried in our minds and hearts. I also feel confirmed that you recognize this as the result of thousands of years of patriarchy,s diminishment of women that is alas transferred from mother to daughter. The intimacy of this as it happens is so painful. My experience is still not healed, though I am 63 and have worked long years on awareness, bodywork meditation and therapy but still I have the feeling that the issue remains hidden and you name the taboos that veil it from view. My mother was incested by her father and it was a secret she kept her whole life. No one helped her and the repercussions on her ability to love and nurture herself, let alone her five children were extensive and still ongoing. Because she believed that all men wanted only one thing, she felt she had to be sexually available 24/7 to her husband to protect her own four daughters. When we each married, her advice was ” never say no.” My mother is now gone. I forgive and understand her but still I limp lamely along as I see the repercussions transferred through me to my two daughters and now to my Grandbaby girl. I am not healed so the pain and damage continues and I am desperate to make this stop. And yet the desperation keeps the cycle of trauma turning. I know I have hurt my girls deeply by my own unmet needs and we are somewhat estranged. Reading your article though heartens me to see them choosing themselves even if it means turning away from me. That is a good sign. This is a problem I have been working on my whole life. I am eager to read your newsletter and perhaps work with you either individually or at an event. We are so ready to unwrap this prison and now is the time. thank you so much. Rebecca

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  11. Goddess bless you for putting this article out! Every woman on this earth needs to visit your site because I feel like every woman suffers from this. This is absolutely amazing and explains the issue beautifully. I have severly suffered from this for almost 30 years. It has opened me and my mothers eyes to so much toxic behavior in our lives and in our family. I’m so thankful I came across your site. This lets me know that it is okay to feel the dark emotions I was feeling connected to my mother and our relationship. You will never know how life changing this was for me, but just know you are changing peoples lives with this information!!!! I hope you write a book one day, it will be a best seller! Peace and infinite blessings to you xo

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  12. I am so grateful to have been given this article by a woman I don’t even know. I just gave birth to my amazing daughter, and all the pain of the abuse my sister and I endured at the hands of my mother came right up. My mother unfortunately has deep mental health issues and was very mean to me throughout my pregnancy (the abuse has basically changed but not ended) But it served as an opportunity for me wake up and decide to set boundaries and put an end to this legacy of pain once and for all. This was the tool I’ve been needing to take my healing further; so I can give my daughter the gift of freedom! Thank you thank you!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Dear Bethany,
    Thank you for this article. This provides much validation to my path. I confronted my mother in therapy for the first time this spring and was able to let go of so much from that session.

    My first film I made was about four generations of Jewish women dealing with the mother wound. It is fiction but based on my own family.

    I felt moved to share it after reading this. My grandmother wasn’t happy I made it. My mother loves it. My great-grandmother never knew I made it. Enjoy.

    Veronika’s Birthday: https://vimeo.com/59439583 (2003)

    Jessica

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  14. Thank you for sharing this. I have had a difficult relationship with my mother which has centred mainly on my fear of her anger and rejection of me. Although I have been in therapy for a while, I still find myself being triggered by situations that catapolt me right back to that scared 5 year old little girl. Your paper has given me a deeper understanding of where these patterns have orgininated from. Not from my mother but from the template (imprint) that she was given as a little girl. I am grateful to you for the gift that you have given me today. It has made me remember that I have the capacity to change my perception of myself and honour the 5 year old little girl within this 45 year old body.

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  15. I have just found your blog today…fabulous, thank you. I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother and have healed what you so beautifully describe as the ‘mother wound’ by severing the ‘mother line’. I have been no contact for, I think…9 years now? Funny, I just realised that I stopped counting 🙂 And in doing this have become a fabulous mother to my now 14 year old son. I have also in very recent times, connected to the Divine Feminine becoming a Higher Priestess Practitioner with the Goddess Healing Matrix System… an amazing tool added to my toolbox of self healing and now, healing for others 🙂 Again… thank you for tackling this ‘taboo’ subject head on! Know your work is very much appreciated ~ Sam

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  16. Thank you Bethany for this brilliant article….I have been healing and re-building this part of myself on a deep level over the last few years and this has been another clarification that all is in order! My love & best wishes Jill

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  17. Pingback: Bethany Webster: The Mother Wound - The Woman's Network

  18. Hi Bethany, I Googled today ‘What happens when your mother shames you?’ & your website came up in the list. What a godsend…you speak the truth, my truth. I have never read anything that so aptly expressed my childhood & eventually brief adult relationship with her. I am 63 this year and it is tragic that I could never feel the wind beneath my wings to soar. I would lift off & accomplish something wonderful only briefly & be left feeling afraid to try again! Mother most likely had a narcissistic personality disorder with no empathy for anyone least of all me. I reminded her of the trauma she had experienced & she projected all of her self loathing unto me in the former of shame, jealousy, anger & abuse. As a young mother I had to cut off all contact with her for fear of the consequences she would heap unto my 3 baby girls. I have not seen her in 35 years and it was the healthiest decision I made for my family. Now at 63, I am healing many wounds including the mother wound because I need to discover me & finally soar! I have bookmarked your site and will read all your postings to find the keys that unlock the pain that is in my heart & body.
    Thank you for your authentic voice.

    Like

    • Hi Cynthia!
      So glad you found my website and found some support here. Thanks for sharing a bit of your journey! I admire your courage to make the challenging decision to cut off contact, knowing it was best for your family. Happy to hear you are healing your core wounds so that you can soar! Much love to you! ❤ Thank you for reading!

      Like

  19. Pingback: Bethany Webster : la blessure du féminin sous son aspect maternel | Carnets de rêves

  20. I really enjoyed this article, but I think I’m missing something here. How did the patriarchy perpetuate the Mother wound? So, our mothers were terrible mothers, they feel guilty about it, shame the daughters and that is passed on generation after generation? There is also mention about a support system that our mothers didn’t get and thus, they inflicted the daughters (and some sons) with their pain. What sort of support? All I can see is that women were having children for the wrong reasons (or lack of birth control) and if they lacked the financial resources or mental faculties to care for these children, they blamed the children. And I definitely believe that some mothers are more natural at mothering than others… they have patience, understand that a child is a child, take actual joy in their children and seem to enjoy care giving. Society’s role in this might be the tall tale that ALL women are nurturing, loving and want babies… Not all women should have children and maybe that’s what we should start talking about… taking the taboo out of not wanting children. Maybe?

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  21. This is like a gift from above. As an adopted child by a mother who was seeking to be nurtured by her daughter and not the other way around I have felt shame, guilt, self sabotaging and unvalidated most of my life. At 49 I have finally realized she simply has not self capable of giveing me the validation I have so desperately been seeking. I am at a very wonderful point in my life and she has not been able to express any happiness for me. Even my father was shocked. I have felt deflated after sharing all the wonderful things in my life because my disappointment in her lack of excitement for me. I shared recent news (engaged and first time home owner at 49!!!!, talk about delayed potential) things that she has been wanting for me for years. It was funny because just tonight after speaking to her I felt like what the heck after all these years, pretty much events in my life that will never happen again and she has to make it seem “less than” important or whatever. It’s really quite sad. Anyway, I am grateful to have come across this article that has resonated with me so deeply. Thank you for this, as I can change my perspective and validate myself and nurture myself at this time. It’s sad she is in her 80’s and will not change. I am sure this is generational thing. I also work in an all women’s rehab facility and will be reading more about the mother wound to work on healing not only myself, but the women in my facility who are open to this too.

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  24. I love this, reminds me very much of the ‘pain body’ that Eckhart Tolle speaks of. Very powerful to see this on the page, which is a starting point to recognising and going beyond it.

    Like

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